What people don’t understand about Life in the Army: Daughter of an Army Officer

I reproduce below a very touching article which appeared in the Indian Defense review blog of 19 Jan 2015  written by Amrit Mann the daughter of a retired Army Officer. I have also reproduced a comment on this blog by one Mr. Walia of Chandigarh and my reply thereto.

What people don’t understand about Life in the Army:

Daughter of an Army Officer

Nobody is a fan of loose talk and I am no exception. What boils up every drop of blood in me are misinformed conversations that give birth to misinformed opinions.

I recently overheard two so-called ‘educated, suited-booted gentlemen’ discuss the Pathankot terrorist attacks that killed seven of our brave soldiers. In a matter-of-fact manner, they discussed how the slain soldiers’ families will get ‘mota paisa‘ (a big amount) as compensation.

How and what could I possibly tell those men for whom the Army seemed to be just a four-letter word.

“Hume bhi fauj mein hona chahiye tha, bhai (We should have also been in the army brother)” – the conversation ended with a smirk and a smoldering cigarette butts on the floor.

I should have reacted, given it back to those guys, but I stood there – completely numb. How and what could I possibly tell those men for whom the Army seemed to be just a four-letter word.

The year began on a tragic note for the nation. Waking up to the news of terrorists attacking the Pathankot Air Force station shattered me. What followed were innumerable attack theories, high-level government meetings, blame-game and questions being raised on the country’s security mesh – things that typically happen after an attack in our country.

My father served in the Indian Army for 32 glorious years. Growing up, I always had my set of complaints. He never made it to even one of my parent-teacher meets, never saw me participate in any sports event, never took me school book-shopping. I do not have a count of how many of my birthday parties he missed. Why did it have to be my mother holding my finger and seeing me off at the school gate? Back then, I detested his attitude towards me.

I could never understand why dad spent hours gazing at an already shining uniform laced with glistening medals. I could never understand him staring at every fold of the uniform, trying to look for imperfections and then scolding batman ‘bhaiya‘ (designated Army help for an officer) for not doing his job well.

I could never understand his anger over a microscopic layer of dust on his uniform.

I tried hard to understand what was so different between my school uniform and his Army uniform, but could never really find an answer. For me it was a dark green dress that dad wore to office.

My father had a major share of his postings in field areas. This would mean that we would live in separated families’ quarters and not see him for months.

I still remember that winter afternoon, that red sweater, and my father at the door. He was on a month-long break. I was on cloud nine, 30 days of dad not going to work, 30 days of family time, 30 days of not suddenly going to mock drills at odd hours.

Bearing my non-stop rant, dad paused and suddenly asked me what class I was studying in. With a gulp down my throat and a shock in my tone I said, ‘papa, class 6.’

There was an uneasy calm between the two of us. I was in disbelief to see my inexpressive, yet affectionate father hug me for a long time. That evening we went to eat ‘golgappas‘ and chicken soup on our tiny-puny scooty. Life felt real that evening.

I was in class 7 when the 1999 Kargil operation took place. Though posted in the North-East during Operation Vijay, he was intensively involved in the intelligence corps.

For an entire year, visuals of bodies wrapped in the tricolor being carried in official vehicles, almost on an everyday basis, haunted me.

My mother and I were once again in separated quarters in Ambala cantonment (Haryana). For an entire year, visuals of bodies wrapped in the tricolor being carried in official vehicles, almost on an everyday basis, haunted me.

Screams of Army wives who lost their husbands still reverberate in my ears. Gun-salutes, a blanket of grief and an unspoken shared pain were a major part of our lives.

A year later, when dad came home, he had stories to tell me, stories of his ‘fauji (army man) experiences’. Something he had never done before. Maybe I was grown up to understand him, to make sense of his absence.

Episodes of young militants carrying AK-47s in milk containers, him getting frostbites in Kupwara district, being shot in the arm several times during combing operations – intrigued me. I could see the light in his eyes, the soaring passion which made me realize he wouldn’t trade any of this for all the glitter in the world.

He retired in September 2007. Sitting on the couch he said, “That uniform there, it is my pride and honor, a well-deserved fruit of 2 years of rigorous training, a commitment to my nation. Something only I can understand. It was more than a job for me.”

Yes, it hurts when people casually comment on the free ration, the pension and the so-called perks that Army personnel get. Remember, most of them don’t live through their entire life to avail them.

I see that passion in every man in uniform. For me disrespect to that uniform is personal. Yes, I see my father in Late Lt. Col. Niranjan Kumar, in in Garud Commando Gursevak Singh, in Subedar Fateh Singh, in every NSG commando, in every soldier.

Yes, it hurts when people casually comment on the free ration, the pension and the so-called perks that Army personnel get. Remember, most of them don’t live through their entire life to avail them.

One cannot expect every Indian to forcefully respect the forces, but remember- an officer dying in the line of duty cannot be fodder for a casual conversation – remember he had a family like you, aspirations like you, unluckily life didn’t give him another chance. 

Reproduced Comments

Harpreet Singh Walia : Everyone needs to be honest here ..do ppl join the defense services for their love of the nation or just because it offers job security and perks . ...every job has its own set of occupational hazards....a fireman can die of fire during his job ...a doctor is exposed to all set of infections. .a mining engineer can die in a mine...ppl from the police are exposed to all sort of retaliations from criminals. ..not trying to belittle the supreme sacrifice by our armed forces ...but kindly dont belittle others

My small reply :

Everybody needs to be honest, as you rightfully say is also absolutely true, so also what you said that we joined the Army for perks and respect and job security you are right again. But all that ended when I passed out through the hallowed portals of Chetwood Hall as an Officer and a gentleman. 

The changes which occurred in me and other officers after 2 years in the Indian Military Academy Dehradun (IMA), and these changes continued throughout my service, unfortunately are the things you will never understand, a great pity and the reason for making the statement you have. It's not your fault of course.

The day I stepped out of the IMA as a freshly Commissioned Officer, on that day my job no longer remained only my job for perks and other things. Further this emotion of what I do was not just a job, kept getting stronger year by year. 

This feeling manifested itself in being responsible for my "boys" aka my troops, for all that happened in their lives, and not like being responsible for them 9 AM to 5 PM. The emotion of ownership of my Regiment , my boys, my country manifested itself in all my waking moments and possibly in my sleep too.

Dying for these by then was no big deal. This is the big difference between you and me Mr. Walia. If push comes to shove me and my brethren in the Army uniform will not think twice before leaping into sure death situations, if that is what is demanded to save the honor and respect of my Regiment and my nation. 

Whereas people like you Waliajee will think what is in it for you personally or for your company, before you even think of endangering your life. Which I am sure you will not. No hard feelings but those are facts.

So this developed quality, of putting the  "izzat" (honor) of the Regiment and the integrity of the Nation we serve above everything else to the point of dying for our beliefs, demands respect towards soldiers from our nation, which basically means people. People like you and others which constitute this country. 

A soldier who just started soldiering as a job became the savior of this nations integrity at whatever cost, the day he was born in the Army and his unit. 

Walia saheb no body is belittling anybody. If you feel so , then it shows that you rankle inside for whatever reason, of which I do have a glimmer of understanding. I do not mean to belittle anyone but state facts here. Hope you understand Waliajee why Amrit Mann was so disturbed when she wrote the article placed above.

Jai Hind and Cheers !!!