A COMMENT ON MY BLOG “THE TAO OF FORGIVENESS”

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A COMMENT ON MY BLOG “THE TAO OF FORGIVENESS”

Jyotsna Jadhav15 April 2013 08:55

"Ajay Kaka is it easy to forgive the ones (near ones/ so called loved ones) who have hurt u the most??? where in it is not the 'inflated' but just the sense of belongingness that is badly scratched? how?"

I am sorry my reply to your question was too long. Therefore it was rejected in reply column. Hence I am putting up a reply as another blog.

My answer would cover three blogs, which I would like you to read carefully.

1. The Tao of Forgiveness. ( On which you have commented)

2. Some thoughts on spiritual growth.

3. Usted Felz, or Are you happy.

Firstly: I would like to get one thing clear. You and you alone are responsible for your state of joyfulness or otherwise. Why do you get the feeling of being hurt? Because in your perception you expected others to behave in a particular way so you would remain joyful. Remember nobody has the power to make you happy or unhappy, you are happy, Your joyfulness depends on you alone. You have to take full responsibility “here and now” for everything you experience, for what you are, what you have and what you do. Because it is your own programming, or your learnt behavior and your nature, that creates your actions on your experiences, so also these actions influence the actions of people around you. Now think why your sense of belongingness was badly scratched? Was your joyfulness slightly overly dependant on your sense of belongingness? Which one would call one of our comfort zones? Putting it simply was your belongingness to a particular family or organization instrumental in making you joyful? 

From your response it was. In essence your sense of belongingness was instrumental in making you joyful! Against our principle “You are happy, Your joyfulness depends on you alone”. So now please learn to love yourself first, to change and get out of your myriad of comfort zones, to understand that nobody has the power to make you joyful “You are joyful within yourself.” Not even your husband, your children or any of your loved near and dear ones. Now read my blog mentioned at 2 &3. Implement. 

If you change your thinking consciously, your emotions will change automatically. Thinking mind you can train and control, emotions are out of your hands, no control, emotions will depend upon your learnt behavior which processes thoughts leading to those particular emotions. Now do you understand your emotion on the experience of your sense of belongingness being badly scratched. Because you thought that your sense of belongingness was important to your joyfulness. In reality your thought should have been: I am happy that I belong, but tomorrow I will still be happy if I don’t belong, after all I have to let go of a particular branch of a tree and alight on others to expand my horizons! Then what would be your emotions? To train your thinking mind I have included a simple system of  THE ART OF DOING NOTHING OR SITTING SILENTLY. Practice this for 20 minutes, 3 times a day, then see the changes in your thinking mind or the Vigyanmaya kosha.

Secondly: The concept of “to forgive”. Please read the blog on which you have commented above carefully. When you attain a state of “I am happy, my joyfulness does not depend on anyone”, then the question of “to forgive” does not arise at all. In the above blog: Reference  'Think of all the people who have done or said something against you in the recent past, especially those who you cannot forgive, scratch a potato for every such person, put it in a sack and carry this sack where ever you go.

The Master says quote  “'Forgiving someone is the equivalent of removing the corresponding potato from the sack. How many of your transgressors are you able to forgive?' 'I've thought about it quite a bit, Master,' the disciple said. 'It required much effort, but I have decided to forgive all of them.' 'Very well, we can remove all the potatoes. Were there any more people who transgressed against you this last week?' 

The disciple thought for a while and admitted there were. Then he felt panic when he realized his empty sack was about to get filled up again. 'Master,' he asked, 'if we continue like this, wouldn't there always be potatoes in the sack week after week?' 'Yes, as long as people speak or act against you in some way, you will always have potatoes.' 'But Master, we can never control what others do. So what good is the Tao in this case?' 'We're not at the realm of the Tao yet. Everything we have talked about so far is the conventional approach to forgiveness. It is the same thing that many philosophies and most religions preach - we must constantly strive to forgive, for it is an important virtue. This is not the Tao because there is no striving in the Tao. ''Then what is the Tao, Master?' 'You can figure it out. If the potatoes are negative feelings, then what is the sack?'

  

 'The sack is... That which allows me to hold on to the negativity. It is something within us that makes us dwell on feeling offended.... Ah, it is my inflated sense of self-importance. 'What will happen if you let go of it?' 'Then... The things that people do or say against me no longer seem like such a major issue.'   'In that case, you won't have any names to inscribe on potatoes. That means no more weight to carry around, and no more bad smells. The Tao of forgiveness is a conscious decision to not just to remove some potatoes... but to relinquish the entire sack. In other words to live in a state of constant forgiveness.

Therefore Jyotsna you cannot keep forgiving people, every day you will perceive somebody doing something against you, that means if your joyfulness depends on others you will be eternally unhappy because your sack of smelling potatoes will always remain full. Time to let go of the sack itself !

   THE ART OF DOING NOTHING OR SITTING SILENTLY

1. This is the art of doing nothing.

2. Can be done very easily by everybody. It does not take up too much time. It is required to be done 3 times a day for 20 minutes at a time.

3. Benefits : Relaxes the body, the brain/intellect and helps to alleviate all kinds of Stresses. This sitting silently allows the body to get rid of stress producing hormones and proteins like Cortisol and DEOH. Plus it also helps in producing Serotonin which is the chemical which makes us feel happy and joyful. Most importantly it gives rest to the mind. Meaning it carries out maintenance of our thinking mind. Further you will find that over a time you will require less sleep at night. Importantly you will train your thinking mind to let go of thoughts ( let thoughts come and go), and not react every time. So in your day to day life you will not react to negative experiences, those are also finally thoughts. These thoughts will come again but now you will not react but respond logically.

4. While sitting silently for 20 minutes we will not focus on 

anything, or on any thoughts. It is simply an art of doing nothing.

5. Remove your belt so that you are comfortable. Remove your glasses. Sit in a straight backed chair your buttocks touching the back of the chair. You must have support for your back.  Ankles crossed. Sit straight. However your head should be slightly bent forward from the neck to attain a comfortable position. Keep your hands in your lap, palms facing upwards, the palm of your right hand sitting in the palm of your left. If the chair has arm rests you may rest your elbows on the rest if you feel comfortable otherwise need not. Now close your eyes. Please tell your family members or friends not to disturb you in any way for 20 minutes. If anything is urgent they must only tap you on the head. You may come out of silence as explained later.

6. Relax your feet and toes, then your ankles, then calf muscles, then your thigh muscles, then your stomach, chest, shoulders, neck, arms, wrists and hands. Sit silently in this state. Let your thoughts come and let them go. Do nothing, do not try to stop your thoughts importantly do not get involved in your thoughts, let them come and let them go. Even sounds or smells from outside are thoughts let them come and let them go. Example a thought comes to you that you have to ring up your boss at 8 o clock about an important client message, now don’t start thinking what will the boss say, can you keep the client happy etc. That is getting involved, let that thought come and let it go. Similarly you hear a motor cycle horn outside don’t get involved in the sound by thinking who must it be now in the morning etc. let it come and let it go. Just do nothing. 

In the beginning there will be hundreds of thoughts coming and going gradually they will reduce and you will have periods without any thoughts. Starting maybe 10-15 secs you will have no thought periods, slowly over the days , weeks, months, years these periods without thoughts will increase. We have to achieve nothing, nothing will happen, do not have expectations as to this will happen or that will happen. Just continue 3 times a day for 20 minutes. If your head bends forward more let it. No problems. But do not let it bend backwards and take support/rest against a wall or something, the moment your head gets support/rests against a wall you might fall asleep. You may fall asleep initially if you are too stressed. Do not worry when you wake up don’t get up suddenly you may feel groggy, continue sitting silently till your 20 minutes are up.

7.  Coming out of silence. Initially you can set your mobile or clock alarm for 20 minutes. After some practice you will automatically know that 20 minutes are up. For coming out of silence, do not open your eyes. Move your hands first, rub your palms against each other, wipe your face with your hands, then wipe your arms and wrists, stretch your hands to the front once or twice. Then slowly blink your eyes 3-4 times, close them again for a few seconds then again open them very slowly. If you feel like sitting sit there for 3-4 minutes before getting up do sit.

8. Conditions. There are’t too many conditions. You must be a little bit hungry and a little bit tired that’s all. Therefore the right times are just before you have breakfast, before lunch and before dinner in the evening. You can practice this type of silence in a train, a bus or anywhere. There are no conditions except you must have some support/rest for your back. People at home or in office may make fun of you, do not worry. In the office you can easily spend 15- 20 minutes of your lunch time for meditating before lunch. It does not take more than 15 minutes to have lunch. This will be time well spent than just gossiping. Others will soon follow you.

  ON CARRYING OUR PERCEIVED BURDENS: A STORY

One day a sage, the leader of a particular religious sect was walking through rural India along with his disciples. The group was enlightening people and generally helping them for the betterment of their lives. This particular sect, part of a religion had very strict rules. One of them was not to even look at women. They were supposed to avoid even a glance. 

As they finished preaching in one village they set out for the next one. On their way in the hot sun at noon, they came to a river. It was very fast flowing and the stones to cross over were under water. On the near bank a very beautiful lady was sitting and crying. So the sage asked her “my dear why are you crying?” The women replied “Sir my baby must be hungry and crying in my house on the other side, I am late from work and I am afraid to cross the river as the stones are underwater”. “I am really worried about my hungry and crying baby. I do not know what to do”. So the sage without a second thought lifted her, slung her on his shoulder, like in a fire mans lift and proceeded to cross the river. On reaching the other side he put her down and the group went on their way. 

By evening the group was on the outskirts of another village. The sage found that one of the disciples was markedly silent, neither conversing with him or others of the group. So he approached him and asked him, “Son are you ill or not in comfort, as I see you have been silent and not conversing with any one for a long time now.” The disciple replied “no Guruji I am fine, there is nothing wrong with me.” So the night was spent in another village and the grouped moved on. 

After 3 days and 3 nights the sage found that the disciple was still silent and most non communicative. So he again approached him and asked the disciple about his welfare. Again he received the same reply, “I am perfectly fine Guruji”. This time the sage insisted that he be open and frank, so also to be forthright and without fear and tell the sage what was troubling the disciple.

Upon hearing the sage, the disciple spoke thus. “Guruji, I have never disobeyed you nor questioned you actions, yet today I am very unhappy. In our faith we are not even supposed to look at women, Yet 3 days ago you carried an extremely beautiful woman in such a way, that you were touching and feeling her most intimate and private parts”. On hearing this, the sage smiling replied thus. “Son, I decided on the spur of the moment to help her, after carrying her across the river and setting her down, in a few minutes I forgot about her, yet here you are, it is now 3 nights and 3 days and you are still carrying that women” So folks let go of your past burdens, your perceived insults,injustices and injuries, start anew burden free and remain joyful. To do this Sitting silently as told above is a good to do thing.

Lastly:  Jyotsana I hope this helps and all the best. Thank you for your comment.

You can use some music to initially help you with sitting silently. It is a 20 minute cut from Ganapati Sachidanand Swami's Celestial Message in his Music for meditation collection. You can down load from here

https://sites.google.com/site/ajayukidve/mp3

CHEERS!