TRAVEL AND HOLIDAY - MASAI MARA NATIONAL RESERVE
Sarova Mara Game Camp : Kenya East Africa

Sarova Mara Game Camp – Its’ in the Masai Mara Game reserve in Kenya about a 5 to 6 hour drive from Nairobi. Wifee and I, stayed here for 2 wonderful nights and 3 days in a tent. The camp is beautiful, well maintained, and very comfortable. The service was 'Amazing'. The Staff, top to bottom, was very friendly and always glad to help. In fact I was wondering who their Human Resource person was, who could train the staff so well. After the game drive each  morning , we returned to cool cologned wet towels, a delicious Breakfast, and a clean tent. It was an absolutely wonderful stay. 

I will highly recommend a stay at this beautiful place in an amazing location. Though in the middle of a wild life reserve in the deep African Savannah, I found nothing wanting, being an ex Army Man I did have some trepidation on hearing “Tents”. However after my stay here I realized how the Moghuls went to war. “Moghulo kee Fauz” as we termed it in the Army, complete with royal tents and Hamamkhana and Janankhana too Hey hey.


Sarova Mara Game Camp excelled in the freshness and quality of its food which is supported by the Camp’s own vegetable and herb garden. The Isokon restaurant is simply amazing again. The chefs are all top of the line. Excellent Indian vegetarian and non vegetarian food plus Continental,  Mediterranean and local food was served. There is a very well stocked bar in the main restaurant and a lovely pool side bar. Spirits are very reasonably priced but soft drinks a tad expensive. Water is very expensive. They charge 250 Kenyan schillings (Ksh) (80Ksh are Rs. 50) for a litre bottle, only 1 small 250 ml water bottle is complimentary per day. I would carry 2 *20 litre jars from Nairobi which is Ksh 60 for 20 litres. There is only 1 curio shop at this game camp. It is good however very expensive. Massai gifts and curios from local Massais at the entrance gate of the reserve are at 1/5th the cost.

  

            The Main thing to do here is to go see wild life in the wild and roaming absolutely free. Lion, Cheetah, Elephants, Buffaloes, Wilder Beasts, Zebras, Giraffes, Rhinos, Hippos, deer and a plethora of beautiful birds. We had 4 safari drives of about 2 to 3 hours each. Morning from 6.30 AM and evening from 6.30 PM in Special Safari vehicles, roofs raised with trained drivers cum guides.On return from morning safaris a full multi course breakfast was served. I counted 6 types of juices, 9 different breads, 5 different Pork and chicken sausages, different smoked hams and grilled fish fillet, eggs to order fruit platters and on and on. 
For vegetarians, dosa, idli, upama, poha, chole bhature and what not. Along with African coffee and mountain tea. The evening Safari’s were followed by drinks and snacks, generally at the lovely fireplace near the bar. Even in summer it gets pretty cold in the evenings in the Mara. Dinner like lunch was again fit for a king. I still do not remember the number of main courses and desserts!

      When not on Safari game drives there is a small swimming pool, nature walks, pool tables within the camp. So also there are observation platforms to see birds and lesser wild life. One cannot go out of the barbed wire and electrified fence of the camp. Wild animals frequent the whole area.

5.      Let me tell you that Africa travel is a pretty expensive proposition. It will necessarily be a once in a lifetime thing for “middle”, middle class people like me!! Masai Mara is the number one destination for seeing wild life. Therefore be prepared to spend a tidy sum.

If you are going from India.                                                                        

Flight Mumbai-Nairobi is about 6 hours. Generally return fare by Kenyan Airways is around 35K INR, this is a good Airline to fly with. Visa is on arrival. Visa costs 50 USD per person. You are required to be inoculated for yellow fever before you arrive here. If you don't do this, Indian Immigration will put you in Quarantine on your return to India as this country is on the yellow fever list. This vaccination is available at all port cities in India.                                                                                                                                   

Stay at Nairobi for 2-3 days minimum. There are reasonable hotels at Nairobi. Budget hostels as well  starred ones. A good website is Booking.com. Minimum to see at Nairobi: Giraffe center, Elephant orphanage, National Museum and Elsa Mare, famous for 'Born free' book and movie of Joy Adamson. You can stay more if you like to do more than Masai Mara. 

      There are a number of National parks in Kenya besides Masai Mara. Some of them are: Sweetwater, Treetops, Aberdare, Kisumu, Tsavo  and Nairobi national park. The last one is in the middle of Nairobi city.

                                                                                         If on a budget then you may choose 1 or 2 of theNational Parks, but Masai Mara is a must. Tours are available from Nairobi to Sarova Mara resort (Masai Mara) and back. Cost is inclusive of everything, safari vehicle pick up from House/Hotel and drop back. We paid 700 USD per adult for 2 nights and 3 days. Pick up from Narobi residence was at 7 AM on Day 1 and drop back to Nairobi was at 6 PM on Day 3. Everything is included in this amount, like Game Camp fees, full board, entrance fees and other things but Hard drinks, Soft drinks, water and lunch on day 3 are not included.

       I would advise you to avoid Indian Travel Agencies. They are overcharging their tours by as much as 75 to a 100 percent. Travel on your own making your own arrangements from the net. Book internal excursions from travel agencies in Nairobi    when you reach here.Security is bad out here in Kenya, specially for Indians. Muggings are not uncommon, so do not move out alone and never after dark. Indians   are residents here for generations and in the eyes of the locals, have continued to skim the fat of the land from where the  Brits left off. So they are hated here. White skinned foreigners like the Europeans and the Americans are welcome. There is nothing to be afraid off but just a note of caution. Nature’s bounties found here are a must see so we take that little risk.                                                                                                                                                               
There are quite a few tented Camps other than Sarova Mara, but cost is only marginally less for this class and the one we stayed at is the best. There are many resorts in the Mara depending on your budget, but nothing very cheap. Cost of living in Kenya is very high. It is about 2 to 3 times costlier than India specially for strict vegetarians. Meat and chicken dishes are more affordable. So be prepared with your finances. Just to get an idea, tandori roti in a reasonable hotel at Nairobi costs Kenyan Schillings 100 each. A plate of Paneer tikka enough for 2 is around KSh 500, water is Ksh 80-100 per litre bottle and surprisingly milk is Ksh 84 per litre. As I said nothing to be daunted about just fix your budget then plan your trip and enjoy the cradle of civilization “Kenya”, and have the time of your life...... Ajay

SPIRITUAL GROWTH: SEEK ANSWERS OR IGNORANTLY PERISH

FROM HERE AND THERE

Seek Answers or ignorantly Perish

Humans live in two dimensions. One is to survive comfortably if possible and the other to seek spiritual growth, which more often than not is mixed up with religion. When we attain the first goal of our life that is, the attainment of basic needs like food, water and shelter and with a long term security of these, we turn to social needs. Thereafter we think of inner ‘Self Respect’ and finally ‘Self Actualization’. These are five, in that order called as the needs pyramid. Then we stop growing.

I find that a majority of us humans live life as an analysis of cause and effect. Putting it simply, before we act intellectually and physically, we study would be results of our inputs first, rather than the input itself. We study these very deeply. All this is done at a subconscious level.  What will a human examine subconsciously? Are the results of my actions going to cause me harm in any way, physically, intellectually or emotionally. Does the result of my actions or thoughts fit into my religious, social and cultural binding. What is the gain for me as a result of my action, is my needs pyramid satisfied and a myriad of other things before we execute our action or input. Except for a few chapters from the Geeta, all of our scriptures, starting from the Vedas to present day writings, address our life in this manner alone. We then control our inputs or our actions to achieve the ideal results we seek, meaning those results which fit into our well defined brackets. We are then called as intelligent, mature and exemplary humans. These human beings put together are then said to be  a society of greatly advanced culture and an ideal civilization, examples of which are replete in history.

Most of the brilliant scholars in the field of Psychology, have based their work on the results of human actions or behaviors. These “should be” results are very clearly and amply defined from the advent of our civilization. There upon, individuals and their actions have been graded, as the good, the bad and the ugly. Unfortunately these are based on fixed human assumptions which have always had the limitations of having been generated from our limited intellect and our earthly experiences alone. 

If we sit back and think we do realize, that oftentimes we did not carry out certain actions, though prompted from within, because the results of these actions did not fit into our well defined norms. We also experienced, that this had resulted in an inner unhappiness and a loss of joy for us as individuals. Yet we continue in this manner even today.

My quest is the why? Cannot we, at least some of us grow out of it? If one traces back these behavior patterns, possibly it may dawn on us that a greater part is learned, and we automatically respond or act on different inputs accordingly. Somewhere it was referred to, as being domesticated! It is like a pet dog being trained not to do its toilet in the house. However there is definitely something more. I believe that there is a continuously evolving genetic program within us, which is trying to guide us to move in a certain direction, to act in a certain way, which we have become adept at ignoring. To the extent that we have ceased to even recognize this inner voice. Unfortunately we label this phenomenon of not recognizing the inner voice, and not acting accordingly, as obtaining intellectual and emotional maturity. 

I feel that acting according to this genetic program which is our inner direction, is spiritual growth, or whatever one might choose to call it, rather than acting on the dictates of the thinking mind which directs our actions within its learned parameters/personality or for required results.

Dr. Edward Bach : "The Flower remedies act as catalysts which help to reestablish contact between the Soul and Personality"

Dr. Edward Bach the British physician realized this somewhere during his quest for natural healing. While explaining the effects of his flower remedies, he said that “The Flower remedies act as catalysts which help to reestablish contact between the Soul and Personality. The personality caught up in the confusion and restriction that is only human, finds a way out again, back to the soul qualities that gives meaning to our existence on this planet and brings universal harmony.” 

These flower remedies are used by millions today to heal themselves by effecting behavioral changes. This leads to healing of physical illnesses too, since a majority of these illnesses are psychosomatic in nature. It was very unfortunate that Dr. Bach died very early after creating The Bach Flower Remedies bringing health, joy and happiness in people’s lives. He was one of the very few who was aware of and totally lived by the directions of his soul. I am sure if he had  lived a bit more he could have given us the meaning of life and provided an insight and answers to many  questions.

I interpret the soul as some genes/DNA which was put in place by our designers, which direct our lives towards some objective, which I or to that matter nobody yet knows. It could have been a normal hum drum objective of making us slaves to these techno designers, or it could be a greater objective of exploring the universe and mapping habitable planets? What I suggest is based on anthropological and physical evidence, interpreted in a different manner. Plodding further into the unknown, these genes/strands of DNA then could be said “to be immortal” like the soul described in our scriptures, as they are perpetuated from generation to generation. These genes affect each generation differently as they are passed on, because the environment in which the individual is born and brought up dictates the personality. Latest research on Spindle cells makes interesting reading at this point. These genes or the inner voice, or the soul’s voice, therefore affect individual people possibly by conflicting with their learned behavior patterns. Suffice to say that a conflict as described by Dr. Bach results. Dealing in the realms of the unknown, possibly at some stage these particular genes are no longer passed on. Is it the liberation of our souls as the ancients put it? There are many questions with a very few answers.

We do understand at least one objective that is, the continuation of our species, which our human system designers put in place. These system designers were possibly intelligent beings, when we observe  the unexplained jumps in evolution and the sudden full stops in anthropological history. There are very pertinent evolutionary facts discarded by scientists as they do not fit into their well established theories, which may be true for every species in the universe. The latter is another story in itself. I do not for one moment believe that we, a marvel of system engineering, are the products of evolution alone. Speculatively there must be data about our past locked up somewhere in our genetic structure which may form part of our memory system. There must be some DNA (only 10 percent of the DNA makes sense at the present day level of knowledge) which is passed on uninterrupted to ensure this. Possibly we do not have the key to unlock it yet. Perhaps we may have a built in communication system which will become active only on attainment of universal harmony. 

It means we have to grow inwards to such an extent that we learn to recognize and live by the directions emanating from within us. Possibly thereafter we may learn our mission and the meaning of the Universe itself. If  for example, we look at, read and interpret the Mahabharata, the Ramayana, the Popul Vuh of the Mayas, or the Bible (specially the book of the Prophet Ezekiel, for therein it is easy to grasp the significance) with a changed perspective, then one sees from chapter to chapter and verse to verse how much sense it makes even to our limited extent of knowledge and understanding. If one really keeps an open mind while reading and studying the remains of our distant past, then a glimmer of comprehension lights up, soon progressing really, to a light of a thousand suns.

I personally feel that at least some if not all of us, should start the search for our inner self. We must discard every learned behavior, social or religious bindings or domestication, we must discard restrictions of any sort on our personality and we should start living only by the dictates of the inner self. There may be various ways of doing this, but as I understand from my experience, the start is to disregard outside inputs, sit quietly and do nothing. This doing nothing can be 20 minutes at a time, may be 4 or 5 times a day. Slowly the inner self will start taking over our being as the restriction of our thoughts is removed. Let your thoughts come and go, do not get involve in them and at some stage they will cease. Once they stop our true self will take over from within us. For our thoughts are the products of our domestication, our taught and learned behaviors. 

This may take 6 months, 2 years or 15 years I do not know. From my personal experience the inner self taking over for a few minutes every day, has created a profound change within me. Sharing just one example: Things, people, circumstances which were once very important to me, I would say were the meaning of my existence, have receded into nothingness from my thinking mind. Yet the joy of still having them with me remains. It is like having a thing but not possessing it, so there is never a sadness of loss but always joy even in letting go. This has resulted in a new awakening of awareness and self realization though at a very elementary level. I am sure at some stage the inner directive from our genes will take over and the concerned individual will know  from that point on, exactly what is required to be done.   It will take time to remove our internal blocks but it will happen one day. Further the act of letting our senses and our domesticated being, free from our real time control for some time every day, will in itself be, an act of rejuvenation and joy, possibly the finding of our true self. Those who do so, I think will grow beyond the limits of imagination. Grow to be really free of all bindings, intellectual, emotional or physical, yet with a seeping in of the joy of life and the discovery of our true self and its mission.

..continuation of our species is not just reproduction alone.

The earth cannot sustain this civilization in perpetuity. One of our internal programs is the continuation of our species, it does not mean by reproduction alone. It also means a search for places to survive beyond our solar system, beyond the milky-way and to go where no man has gone before. To that end we have to seek answers from within us. To seek the data our genes may have stored for us, to unlock it and to find the meaning of our existence and possibly individual objectives, and also possibly the collective objectives for which our species was designed for. One thing I am very sure about, our mission statement and the data of our origins resides within us. Once that is clear we will not need to grope about the vast universe but will know precisely and with clarity as to where we have come from, where and how we have to go and what we have to achieve. It is very sad to see that with the present state of this earth’s civilization, we are not even near the start line of this awareness. Soon this human species is likely to extinguish itself in its own ignorance and the blatant misuse of its five sense organs which probably were designed for some greater achievements.

Have a wonderful day my friends.

Ajay

MOTHER A REMEMBRANCE

FROM HERE AND THERE

Mother a remembrance

Way back in the late 50’s and early 60's I was studying in Standard VI in Bishops Pune. My father, an army officer, was then out in field, I think in Poonch or Rajauri. I, my mom and my little sis were staying as a joint family with my cousins. My mom, in her wisdom signed me in as a boarder in Bishop’s Pune. I was quite upset and angry about it, not being able to stay and have fun with my cousins. In hind sight now I realize that possibly she wanted me to become different and not be influenced by the narrow middle class outlook as she understood it. Something like obtaining some "Class" as it was termed back then. Well, with her lower middle class back ground, her ideas of a successful life and her experience of life at that point of time, she was probably very right to do so.

In my anger, I refused to go home on the first week end on out pass and so on the second and third. The school was slowly instilling in me the so called “pukka sahib” attitudes - I do not want any favors, I will live and eat like my compatriots! From chota hazri on wake up, to dressing for dinner with chanting of grace. Football and hockey on week days and cricket on week ends with jugs of orange squash. Study periods in the evenings. 

On the last Saturday of the month, it was raining very heavily and all of us boarders were having a mug of hot chai, sitting under the banyan trees, trying to make out the setting sun. In the foggy rain I saw my mother and little sister materialize at the gates drenched to the core. My mother implored me - nay begged me to come home. “Ajay please come home, look I have come in the rain with your little sister both of us are so wet". I replied with an emphatic no, saying “I am a boarder now and it is beneath my dignity to come home on weekends. I shall only do so when school closes for the monsoon break as my other friends will do. You make me ashamed by coming here like this to take me home. So what if you are in Poona, others don't have their moms here. As a matter of fact I think even if they did, they wont go home on weekends unless its holiday for every one of us. Thank you. Please GO.”

 I realize now how deep a hurt I must have inflicted on her then. Possibly she had not realized at that time what it actually meant by trying to make me different. Though in her subconscious mind, she knew she was making my wings stronger, which she certainly did, judging by the large and small successes I achieved in my life time. Thereafter my mother and I did not get along much, probably because of the gulf that opened up in our thinking, she being restricted by the myriads of traditional mindsets and by social, cultural and religious bindings, and I by my new found freedom and Independence, to spread my wings and soar. Even the sky was no limit for me then.

She is long dead and gone as I remember her today. I remember she gave me very strong roots and wings.... In fact, such strong wings that they finally took me beyond her realms of understanding. I remember she tried to reach out to me in various ways but her leap always fell far short. I think her leap falling short was her greatest success, her greatest contribution to my life.

As I stand over her memories this day, I tell both my daughters and my grand children  "The greatest gift we can give our children is strong roots and  wings so strong, that even our longest leap should always fall far short when we reach out to them. In time our children will always reach back with love and understanding, so what if this happens when we are long gone in the mists of time. See my mother and your grandma? God bless her where ever she is.” Maybe this is a positive way of looking at “The Generation Gap”

If your mothers are alive today, reach out to them this one day. Without pride, prejudice or annoyance. Reach out to mom because her leap towards you will always fall short. Possibly she cannot reach you anymore now. The wings she gave you are too strong and your flight too long. Reach out to her with a hug and a kiss and say I love you. This little hug will boost her leap to reach you and make your roots and wings even stronger. For that is a mothers love for her children.

Ajay

ON LETTING GO

FROM HERE AND THERE

Sharing Some Gathered Thoughts

When I look around me at all the half boxed-up items awaiting a decision about their fate, I wonder, why am I still hanging onto things I don't really want? These things may at one time, have held some purpose for me.

I enjoyed looking at them, playing with them, displaying them or using them. Somewhere along the line, they were replaced by things I liked better. But by then, I had invested something into these things. Some memory some personal link, some meaning, which keeps me hanging onto them.

The memory or association may not even be a good one. I have got photos of people who I really don't want reminding of, and some, whose names I have even forgotten. I have got stuff that was given to me that I never wanted in the first place, but felt some sort of obligation to the gifter to treasure it always. There are even some fruits of my labor, things I spent days, weeks or months creating, and even those things have no particular passion for me anymore.

So why is it still so hard to ship them or throw them out of the house? It recently dawned on me that each thing has some kind of value to me. Whether monetary or sentimental, there is something personally invested in each thing and I want the next owner to honor, respect and even share that designated value. However impractical, unlikely, or even ludicrous this idea is, this is how I feel.

And until I change my attitude, I will remain tied to these things as if by an umbilical cord. If I sever the attachment abruptly, it will hurt. If I let it go while still feeling attached, I will feel loss. How can I learn to pass on these things to their new life someplace else, and feel okay, even good, about it?

The problem is that I have assigned a value to each thing. This value is based on a variety of criteria that is important to me. It could have a monetary aspect, such as how much I originally paid for it. Or there may be a fondness for the place, the time, or the person I was with when I acquired it. The item may have been given to me in commemoration of some special event, or I may feel that the association of it with a particular person makes it important. I may value it because I know that the marketplace values it, or because someone, I admire or hold dear values it, and so therefore think I should as well. So as well I think it is with a loved one.

If I could somehow detach from the value I have placed on the item, then perhaps it would be a painless process to finally let go. But then, is this a correct or wise way of going about it? Surely, if I null and void the value in the things that have constituted the environment of my life, there is a danger that I may judge my own life to be insignificant.

' Not a healthy thing to do, I should imagine. No, I think it is a very positive thing to value anything and everything that one encounters. But somehow, I must sever the attachment to that which I value. Have you ever been in love with someone that didn't truthfully return your feelings? Or were compelled due to circumstances not to do so? You didn't love them any less because you could not have them, and, when all was said and done and later analyzed, you might even have appreciated that the two of you never did get together. You were able to appreciate each other from afar, and hold that endearment pristine, and perhaps even care about more, at a distance.

Life is not about possessing, attaining and holding in your clutches. It is about savoring, using all your senses fully to take in all the beautiful, wonderful things, the moments that you can. Once you have had your fill of that bright yellow flower of enjoyment, you can have the thrill of blowing away those wisps of a dandelion, or petals of roses, and watch-them float along the wind, trusting that wherever they land, is precisely where they are meant to be. It is out of your hands now, and in the hands of the cosmic field of perfect arrangement. This I think is where we fail. Mind, it is not about being selfish.

If you have fully appreciated everything that has come your way, then you have absolutely no reason to require it any more. Perhaps my dismay at giving things away is a sign that I have not truly valued it in the first place. By giving it away now, it means that I will never have that knowledge of fully experiencing that thing. And so, I feel a sense of loss because I never fully appreciated it.

When you love and appreciate someone or something fully, you love it regardless of whether it is in your sight or not. We can never truly possess anything, ashes to ashes dust to dust. I can appreciate things I do not own just as much as I love what I have in my house.

The way to letting go, is not by forming some kind of attitude of worthlessness to it that would be terribly unjust and evil. The way to let go and not feel attached any longer is by treasuring the time you had with it, knowing that it is always in your heart, and there it remains, for eternity. It, too, has its own life, its own journey its own path of evolvement. Trust that it will, like a child who has grown up, make its own way through life, just as it should.

THE TROUBLE TREE

FROM HERE AND THERE

The Trouble Tree

During my training sessions with workers in industry, I realized that many of them carried home their stress from long hours of strenuous work, emotional residues from job related conflicts, their frustrations and myriad other negatives built up during their work shifts. The moment home and hearth was reached, often times the pressure cooker, instead of releasing controlled steam, just kind of exploded. This was a great disappointment to the spouses and children who eagerly awaited the arrival of their husbands and fathers. 

The answer to this was to sit silently for 20 minutes eyes closed doing and thinking nothing after they entered their homes. In addition I narrated an experience to all of them during one of the training sessions.

The carpenter I hired to help me restore a room in our house had just finished a rough first day on the job. A flat tire had caused him to miss an hour of work, his electric saw became faulty and he had to use a hand saw, and now his ancient two-wheeler refused to start.
As I drove him home, he sat in stony silence. His face creased in frowns and unpleasantness near to anger. When we arrived he invited me for a cup of tea and to meet his family. As we walked to the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touched the tips of the branches with both hands and closed his eyes for a moment. When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation. His dark face was wreathed in smiles; he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a loving and affectionate look. All his frowns and anger had vanished from his countenance.
Later as he walked me to my car. We passed by the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier.

"Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied. "I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, they don't belong in the house with my wife and children. So, I just hang them on the tree when I come home in the evening and then I just pick them up again in the morning."

"Funny thing, though," he smiled, "when I come out in the morning to pick them up, there are not nearly as many as I remembered hanging there the night before."

Each of us I think must build a trouble tree of our own.

Have a wonderful day. 

Ajay

WHO WE ARE

FROM HERE AND THERE

Who We Are

During my Training Sessions with students of Fashion Design, in Cummins Girls College at Pune, the girls were of varied backgrounds. Some came from affluent families with stomping public school or convent school backgrounds, some from rural areas and government pathshalas. I found that the latter were quite intimidated by the flashy English speaking crowd. It was very difficult to motivate and upgrade their self esteem. So finally I narrated a story.

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a 100 Rupee note . In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this 100 Rupee note?" Hands started going up.

He said, "I am going to give this 100 Rupee note to one of you but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple up the 100 Rupee note. He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air. "Well", he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air. "My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson", he said, "No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth a hundred Rupees.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt sometimes by the decisions we make and often times by the circumstances that come our way.
We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless.... and especially to those who love you.

After all each of us is a diamond “UNIQUE”, there can be no other the same as each of us. It’s a matter of time and how we cut and polish it for it to sparkle in all its glory.

The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or whom we know, but by WHO WE ARE.

Ajay

THE TAO OF FORGIVENESS

FROM HERE AND THERE

The Tao of Forgiveness

The other day I came across a mail I received about the Tao of Forgiveness. While going through it my mind floated back some 40 years through time, to the days a little after the Indo-Pakistani conflict around 1972, when we had returned to Ferozepur from our operational area. I was then about 21 years old fresh from the Military Academy and the Young Officer’s Engineering course, with zero experience but raring to go. Our then Commanding Officer Lt. Col. R S Trehan (now a retired Brigadier), was our mentor, philosopher, guide and a dear friend. An “asli” Punjabi from Layalpur now in Pakistan.  Ages ago, when the Army was so terribly regimented, we still had the guts to call him a friend. He was just like that. All five of us Second Lieuts then, owe everything to him our old man, for what we are today. So I thought I will share those days with you. 

On many Saturday evenings after a glass of beer in the mess with the old man, all of us bachelors, used to bundle into his ancient Fiat and reach paratha galli on the outskirts of Ferozepur city. There, over succulent parathas would begin our Tao of learning. His teaching without words and doing without actually doing. My first experience of it when I joined, was the personal and the professional confidence radiated by every soldier of my Signal Regiment, from Tom Malhotra (we called him Tom behind his back) who was our Second –in- Command, Officers, JCOs, Signalmen to the cooks slogging in the messes. Today I realize that perhaps Paratha galli was our true temple of learning. 

The old man never lectured, never taught. He observed and voiced his observations. His observations would begin from the cold winter air whipping in through the open windows of the car, to the origins of the universe to potatoes, the cabbage or the mince contained in the parathas. Every time the subjects varied. Sometimes it was military history, sometimes philosophy, some other times were observations on human weaknesses, of intellectual, professional and emotional shortcomings or bindings.

During one of our evenings out, his observations touched upon forgiveness. That fateful day I was the target of his observations. “Ajay I observe that oftentimes you tend to lose your shirt”. I said “yes I do very much”. His next comment was, think over an occasion you lost your temper, think over the why and lastly was anything achieved and did it make you joyful. Then, he said while we have our parathas narrate us your observations. It was a tall order for a twenty-one year old with zilch experience of life. Yet I felt, rather  all of us felt, that whatever the old man had in mind that day was something profound, all five of us youngsters stopped all conversation and lapsed into silence.

I had very little experience of life at that point of time. After some time I narrated the incidence of Naik Sharma, the best radio mechanic of my Radio Engineering Company absconding, means going home without leave. Knowing the imminent deployment of our radio detachments he had no business to do so, I awarded him 14 days rigorous imprisonment for this offense on his return. Here’s the conversation that followed.

Did he ask for leave? Yes sir, it was for his sister’s marriage. Is he a habitual absconder? No sir. Why did you not sanction his leave? My radio detachments were to be deployed; hence I told him you can go on leave later. Did he tell you he can’t postpone his sister’s marriage? Yes he did sir. Did you get angry when he went AWOL (Absent With Out Leave)? Angry? Sir that’s putting it mildly. Why were you angry? Think. Was it because you would not be able to perform the given task well or was it because you felt insulted and personally slighted?

Long pause from my side then I answered. Sir on hind sight, I think it was my ego which was hurt more than the case of not being able to deploy my detachments, after all the operational deployment went off without a hitch. I now see I should have been more empathic in my listening. Then was the final missile from the old man, why did you not forgive him? Amazing I thought, forgiveness coming from the old man, a virtual Lion eater, that too for an act of indiscipline and gross disobedience of orders and in the army?

I said Sir it’s not done, forgiving such an act. Well you agree it was not his fault aside from the discipline aspect of it? Well if you perceive it in that manner yes sir. Do you think he will do such a thing again? No sir. You punished him because of your anger right? Yes sir. Was anything achieved, other than perhaps the satisfaction of your ego? No sir but it did set an example to the others in a way. Did you feel joyful after that? No sir, inside I still feel sorry and unhappy about the incidence. You don’t forgive very easily do you about perceived insults and slights on yourself? No sir. You carry that burden till you get your revenge? Well sir revenge is a rather strong word, but yes I think so subconsciously somewhere yes. Then if you would subtract these feelings you will be more joyful? Well yes sir if one thinks like in that manner. So he said now what are your observations on hindsight as you put it? I thought about it for a long while before answering.

In life Sir, I think people will act and behave against you all the time. It is always good to think in an empathic manner about the reason why people act and behave that way. People are all possibly good, but circumstances, or sometimes learnt behaviors, make them act in a way which I perceive as slights on self. I think I need to understand people more deeply. I must change my way of thinking, maybe my learned behaviors of the concepts of being insulted or slighted? If I change my way of thinking in this manner, the emotions of hate, of anger of being insulted and slighted may not arise at all. I have a glimmer of understanding now, that possibly it is the way I think, leads to hate, to anger or to that matter any emotions? Perhaps with this new thinking, I would have sent Sharma on leave at the outset, or I would not have thought about it as a personal insult and would have held myself responsible and forgiven him and stood up for my decision, though against the grain of the Army? I think I have begun to see, that thinking in this way is similar to living in forgiveness, which sir you often speak about. 

There was total silence except for the chomp chomp of the munching of the parathas. I could hardly believe that I, still green about the ears could express so much. The old man sat quietly for quite some time, intermittently sipping from the tall lassi glass our desert. Finally he broke the silence and said gentlemen, I like the expression Ajay used “Living in Forgiveness”. To amplify the thing further I will narrate to you a story. It’s called the Tao of Forgiveness. So it came about what changed my life forever.

One day, a sage gave one of his disciples an empty sack and a basket of potatoes. 'Think of all the people who have done or said something against you in the recent past, especially those who you cannot forgive. For each of them, inscribe the name on a potato and put it in the sack.' The disciple came up with quite a few names, and soon his sack was heavy with potatoes. 'Carry the sack with you wherever you go for a week,' said the sage. 'We'll talk after that.'

At first, the disciple thought nothing of it. Carrying the sack was not particularly difficult. But after a while, it became more of a burden. It sometimes got in the way, and it seemed to require more effort to carry as time went on, even though its weight remained the same. After a few days, the sack began to smell. The carved potatoes gave off a ripe odor. Not only were they increasingly inconvenient to carry around, they were also becoming rather unpleasant.

Finally, the week was over. The sage summoned the disciple. 'Any thoughts about all this?'

'Yes, Master,' the disciple replied. 'When we are unable to forgive others, we carry negative feelings with us everywhere, much like these potatoes. That negativity becomes a burden to us and, after a while, it festers.'

'Yes, that is exactly what happens when one holds a grudge. So, how can we lighten the load?'

'We must strive to forgive.'

'Forgiving someone is the equivalent of removing the corresponding potato from the sack. How many of your transgressors are you able to forgive?' 'I've thought about it quite a bit, Master,' the disciple said. 'It required much effort, but I have decided to forgive all of them.' 'Very well, we can remove all the potatoes. Were there any more people who transgressed against you this last week?' The disciple thought for a while and admitted there were. Then he felt panic when he realized his empty sack was about to get filled up again.

'Master,' he asked, 'if we continue like this, wouldn't there always be potatoes in the sack week after week?'

'Yes, as long as people speak or act against you in some way, you will always have potatoes.'

'But Master, we can never control what others do. So what good is the Tao in this case?'

'We're not at the realm of the Tao yet. Everything we have talked about so far is the conventional approach to forgiveness. It is the same thing that many philosophies and most religions preach - we must constantly strive to forgive, for it is an important virtue. This is not the Tao because there is no striving in the Tao.'

'Then what is the Tao, Master?'

'You can figure it out. If the potatoes are negative feelings, then what is the sack?'

'The sack is... That which allows me to hold on to the negativity. It is something within us that makes us dwell on feeling offended.... Ah, it is my inflated sense of self-importance. 'What will happen if you let go of it?' 'Then... The things that people do or say against me no longer seem like such a major issue.'

'In that case, you won't have any names to inscribe on potatoes. That means no more weight to carry around, and no more bad smells. The Tao of forgiveness is a conscious decision to not just to remove some potatoes... but to relinquish the entire sack.

So we drove off into the night, thinking about what the old man had said. Little did I realize then, as to what profound effect this particular evening was to have on my entire life.

Ajay

THE DREAM STEALER

FROM HERE AND THERE

The Dream Stealer

During one of my Training Programs, which I conduct for industrial workers, was a small exercise. This was to do with Personal Finance Management. I had asked all the participants to write down their lifetime objectives and phase them, in the now, a bit later in life and finally on retirement.  Then I said we will discuss as to how we can plan to achieve them. I also emphasized the point, that unless you have your goals in life, you just cannot Plan. While we were discussing the objectives written down, I realized that the participants were limiting these objectives to their current status. So I asked them, “Do you have dreams?” There was a unanimous “Yes”. Well then I said make them your objectives. A long and heated argument arose. “Dreams are dreams”, “We cannot make our two ends meet”, “How can dreams become objectives to achieve, look at us now” and a flurry of other remarks. I told them “look your dreams will make you work towards them, to improve your knowledge and skill sets, to listen to your inner voice, to be conscious about life, to work and work hard. Finally to progress in life they will become your largest motivators”. Then I narrated a true a story.

I have a friend named Paramjeet Singh aka Pummy who owns a huge 200 acre farm and a beautiful farm house with milch cattle and poultry and an ideal farm with a drip irrigation system, as well as beautiful Keno orchards. He has always let me use his house to conduct education programs for deprived children, plus conduct summer camps for them, and things like that

The last time I was there with my group he told me a story. It all goes back to a story about a young man who was the son of an itinerant laborer who would go from farm to farm, harvest to harvest, to reap the wheat or the rice. As a result, the boy’s high school career was continually interrupted. When he was a senior, he was asked to write a paper about what he wanted to be and do when he grew up.

That night he wrote a long paper, describing his goal of someday, owning a 200 acre farm with a beautiful farm house. He wrote about his dream in great detail and he even drew a diagram of a 200-acre farm, showing the location of all the buildings, the cowsheds, the poultry sheds and the cropping pattern, the keno orchards and a modern drip irrigation system. Then he drew a detailed floor plan for a 4,000-square-foot house that would sit on the 200-acre dream farm.

He put a great deal of his heart into the project and the next day he handed it in to his teacher. Two days later he received his paper back. On the front page was a large red F: Failed, with a note that read, “See me after class.”

The boy with the dream went to see the teacher after class and asked, “Why did I fail in my paper?”

The teacher said, “This is an unrealistic dream for a young boy like you. You have no money. You come from an itinerant laborers family. You have no resources. Owning a 200 acre farm requires a lot of money. You have to buy the land. You have to pay for the original breeding stock, the fruit tree saplings, and later you’ll have to pay for the tube wells and the irrigation lines and many other things. There’s no way you could ever do it.” Then the teacher added, “If you will rewrite this paper with a more realistic goal, I will reconsider your grade.”

The boy went home and thought about it long and hard. He asked his father what he should do. His father said, “Look, son, you have to make up your own mind on this. However, I think it is a very important decision for you”. Finally, after sitting with it for a week, the boy turned in the same paper, making no changes at all.

He stated, “You can keep the F and I’ll keep my dream.”

Pummy then turned to the assembled group and said, “I tell you this story because you are sitting in my 4,000-square-foot farm house in the middle of my 200-acre model farm. I still have that school paper framed over the mantle-piece.” He added, “The best part of the story is that two summers ago that same schoolteacher brought 30 kids to camp out on my farm for a week.” When the teacher was leaving, he said, “Look, Pummy, I can tell you this now. When I was your teacher, I was something of a dream stealer. During those years I stole a lot of kids’ dreams. Fortunately you had enough gumption not to give up on yours. ”

“Don’t let anyone steal your dreams. Follow your heart, no matter what.” Unless you dream you will not achieve.

Have a wonderful week,

Ajay