ARE YOU HAPPY ?... ¿ES USTED FELIZ ?........
Often times my better half keeps telling me “Your behavior
with people is awful including me”. On asking the why of it, her answer always is,
that I do not care for people, that I do not stop to think whether my behavior makes them happy or not. I
always do what I want to or have to. Then off course long one sided arguments,
which always end because of my silence. Over a long period of time, I have seen
that people have a lot of expectations from me, as to how I should behave and what
I should do to make them feel happy. Unfortunately their expectations are based
on their own world view or their own notion of reality as they see it through
their own perspectives. Well mine don’t always match, end result I do what I
want to or have to which results in internal peace and joyfulness. Further I do
not hold out any expectations from any one, including my near and dear ones, not
even for a cup of tea, which always adds to my happiness. My wife terms it as
being selfish. I sometimes do try to explain that people have to experience what comes their
way, the good or the bad, to grow spiritually and intellectually. However many times
we interfere in their lives by trying to make them “Happy”, so also this
behavior adds to their expectations from us which becomes instrumental for
further unhappiness for them.
I have heard in many homes and hearths including mine,
between husbands, wives, children, relatives “Why don’t you make me happy, you
do not want to see me happy?” Somebody wants me to become a vegan, prohibits
me from bringing fish into the house, preventing me from ordering beer and a chicken
when out on a family dinner, this to the point of distraction, by telling me
how drinkers and meat eaters are bad. Why because I am a near and dear one to them, my
becoming a vegan will make them happy otherwise not. Someone wants me to stop
my pleasure of a glass of beer or wine, else wants more of my time, to change
my behavior patterns for their personal happiness and on and on. Sometimes I am
shocked that people’s personal happiness always depends on someone else. How
different the world would be if all of us can find true joyfulness within
ourselves independent of others.
We reached home a few days ago from our Africa trip,
unfortunately my aunt died on that very day of our arrival. My aunt (my
fathers’ younger brothers’ wife) has always been like a second mother to me
with all the love and affection that goes with it. Oftentimes she had stayed on
with us if she faced any problems (whenever we were present at home). So
without even unpacking we set out for the crematorium to pay our last respects.
There at the crematorium my wife kept insisting that I should touch the feet of
the dead body. I flatly refused and asked why? Wifee answered that she loved
you so much, her soul and her 3 sons in attendance will feel happy, so also I
personally will feel happy and you too,
if you touch her feet. I was not about to argue on that, though she very well
knows my views on this. Though I knew the poor women spent her last few days in
an old age women’s home in spite of her 3 sons now performing her last rites.
However the point remained that I should do something in spite of my beliefs to
the contrary to make others happy and feel good even in some ones death.
During my experiences with counseling and the practice of
Dr. Bach’s Flower remedies (mentioned elsewhere), I would like to share my
experience of a friend from Mexico City (South America). We had met on chat
over a decade ago and have become very close friends. She used to discuss her
problems with me. I found that they all centered on trying to look good, or
make others happy and tragically to become happy herself only if others behaved
in the way she wanted them too. The net result was she was always unhappy and stressed.
In one of my net sessions I told her:
It’s a great pity that all your happiness depends only on
what your husband does. If he is a good husband (in your perception), if he
treats you the way you think you should be treated, if he spends time with you
- then you find some happiness. But when he lets you down (again in your
own perspective), you have nothing left. Your whole life and joyfulness depends
on the actions of your husband. That is why you are always unhappy. So I sent
her my presentation on “The higher Objectives of Spiritual Growth”. I told her
to study this and implement the thoughts contained therein. This presentation
appears on my blog as the "Higher objectives of spiritual Growth"
For a long time I did not hear from her. Then one day about a year on, I
received a mail from her - just 2 lines. She said Ajay I am very happy and
joyful now thank you. Ajay I would have said thank you for all you did for me
to make me joyful, but I have learnt my lessons well: So I just say “Thank you”
because now I know that no one can “Make” me Joyful and Happy “I am Joyful”.
She had also attached a small presentation for me, of her “Enlightenment” which
I now bring to you. She put it up on the net, so many of you might have read
it. Originally it was written in Spanish, I post the translated to English
version. I hope that all my friends who read this blog will attain Joyfulness
as my Mexican friend did. I feel that nothing matters more in life than being
“Joyful within ourselves” at all times.
The presentation is no longer available to embed so I have uploaded all slides to be seen serially.
The presentation is no longer available to embed so I have uploaded all slides to be seen serially.
Ajay
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